Author: allen0997
The Beauty Box
The Beauty Box
~ A Vignette by Allen Kopp ~
When Noreen set the plate of salmon croquettes and macaroni and cheese in front of Odell, he gave her a significant look but didn’t say anything. He was hoping for chicken or beef stew, at least. He didn’t like salmon croquettes; they had little soft fish bones in them that he tried not to think of as bones as he chewed them.
“Do you notice anything different about me?” Noreen asked as they began eating.
“You’re wearing a different shade of lipstick,” Odell said, barely looking at her.
“I’m not wearing any lipstick,” she said. “Guess again.”
“You got a new pair of pedal pushers.”
“No!”
She turned around so he could see the back of her head. “I’m wearing what they call a ‘fall,’” she said. “It’s an addition that blends in with the rest of my hair so you can’t tell the fake hair from the real hair.”
“Do you mean you’re wearing a hairpiece?”
“Well, if you want to call it that.”
“Why don’t they call it a hairpiece, then?”
“Because ‘fall’ sounds better.”
“The more important question, I suppose, is why do you need a hairpiece?”
“Well, I don’t really need it, but it makes my hair look better, don’t you think? Thicker and fuller? It somehow makes me look younger?”
“If you say so.”
“I went to the Beauty Box today. They have this wonderful new hairdresser named Enzo. He took one look at me and said, ‘A fall would do wonders for your hair!’.”
“Enzo is a man?”
“Yes.”
“Why is it that hairdressers are all men now? Hairdressers used to be women. Now they’re men. Men with foreign-sounding names.”
“I don’t know. Why don’t you conduct a survey?”
“Is Enzo a homosexual?”
“I didn’t think to ask.”
“Well, it seems you would want to know the sexual preferences of a person fixing your hair.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“What country is he from? Is ‘Enzo’ an Italian name?”
“If I had to guess, I’d guess he’s an American.”
“Does he speak with an accent?”
“No.”
“Do you want me to go punch him in the face for you?”
“What for?”
“For raising so many questions for which there are no answers.”
“But don’t you think my hair looks cute?”
“It looks flat in the back and pushed up on top,” he said. “The way it looks when you get up in the morning.”
“Enzo said I have lovely hair.”
“Isn’t he paid to say that?”
“He looked at my face with a magnifying glass and he said I have beautiful skin. He said a lot of women have weather-beaten skin, but he could tell that I take care of mine. He said you can tell a lot about a person’s general health just by looking at the skin on their face.”
“And if Enzo said it, you believe it.”
“It’s his business to know about those things.”
“If he told you to make yourself up to look like a frog, would you do it?”
“Of course I would!”
“Are you in love with Enzo?”
She laughed. “Hardly.”
“Why don’t you divorce me and marry Enzo?”
“That’s too much trouble.”
“If you heard Enzo talking to other women, I’ll bet you’d hear him say the exact same things to them, no matter how old and ugly they are.”
“Are you saying I’m old and ugly?”
“No, I’m just saying I’m wondering what Enzo’s game is.”
“I don’t think he has one. He’s just a very nice man.”
“He made you feel important.”
“Well, yes, I guess so.”
“He made you feel special.”
“When you put it that way, I guess he did.”
“And you gave him a great big tip.”
“I always tip my hairdresser.”
“What else?”
“What do you mean?”
“What else did you feel compelled to do for him because he’s such a nice man?”
“I bought some beauty products from him.”
“How much?”
“A hundred and eighty-seven dollars.”
“And that on top fixing your hair and selling you the fall?”
“Well, yes.”
“How much did you spend today at the Beauty Box?”
“Everything is always about money with you, isn’t it?”
“How much?”
“Three hundred and thirty dollars.”
“So there you have Enzo’s game.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“He’s a crap artist! He flatters you and makes you feel special and gets you to liking him. Then he just happens to mention these beauty products he’s selling. By that point you have no sales resistance. You wouldn’t be able to turn him down if he was selling real estate on the moon.”
“Now you’re just being silly.”
“I didn’t get fleeced out of three hundred and thirty dollars today.”
They were silent for the rest of the meal until Noreen was serving the dessert. “There’s a Doris Day movie on tonight,” she said. “It’s one we haven’t seen before. Do you want to watch it with me?”
“I told Willard I’d stop by and see him this evening,” he said tersely.
After he was gone she stacked the dishes in the sink and went to the phone and called the Beauty Box and asked to speak to Enzo. She had to wait what seemed a long time but finally he came on the line.
“Enzo?” she said. “This is Noreen Baggett. I was in the shop today.”
“Yes, darling,” he said. “I was just about to leave for the day. What can I do for you?”
“I just wanted to make sure you have me down for the seventeenth at ten o’clock.”
“Just a minute, dear. I’ll check the book.”
He laid down the phone and when he came back he said, “Yes, dear, we’re all set for the seventeenth.”
“I’m so looking forward to it!” she said.
“Well, so am I, dearest!”
After she hung up the phone, she turned on the TV and sat down in the recliner and made herself comfortable. The Doris Day movie was just beginning.
Copyright © 2025 by Allen Kopp
Before the Lion Closed His Mouth
Before the Lion Closed His Mouth
~ A Vignette by Allen Kopp ~
“What is your favorite song?”
“I’m an Occidental Woman in an Oriental Mood for Love.”
“Whom do you most admire?”
“George Washington and Leo Tolstoy.”
“Anybody living?”
“No.”
“What are your strengths?”
“What?”
“I asked you what your strengths are.”
“I don’t have any.”
“What are your weaknesses?”
“I don’t have any of those, either.”
“We all have strengths and weaknesses.”
“I don’t.”
“What is your favorite color?”
“I don’t know because it hasn’t been given a name yet.”
“If you could be an explorer to another planet, what is the first thing you would want to do after you got there?”
“Take a bath and open a waffle shop.”
“Why a waffle shop?”
“I’ve always wanted to open a waffle shop on another planet. Have my own little business.”
“If there aren’t any people on the planet, you wouldn’t have any customers.”
“If the waffles are good enough, the customers will come.”
“What is your earliest childhood memory?”
“Being shot out of a cannon. We were a circus family. Father was a clown and mother an acrobat. As an infant, I was used for a number of different acts, including being fed into a lion’s mouth.”
“Weren’t you afraid of being fed into a lion’s mouth?”
“Oh, no. It was perfectly safe. There was always somebody there to pull me out before the lion closed his mouth.”
“If you could be anything in the world, what would it be?”
“An anteater.”
“Why an anteater?”
“I’ve just always admired anteaters for their uniqueness.”
“What ambitions or goals do you have for your life?”
“To be as much unlike other people as I can.”
“You don’t like people?”
“I like certain individuals, but, no, on the whole, I don’t like people.”
“Why don’t you like people?”
“Can you give me one good reason why I should?”
“Because it’s what you’re supposed to do and you’ll have a happier life if you do.”
“Not good enough.”
“Who is your feminine ideal?”
“The film actress Zasu Pitts.”
“Why?”
“Are you kidding? With that name?”
“Do you believe in God?”
“Sure.”
“Why are you so sure there’s a God?”
“Look no further than the anteater.”
“Would you rather play tennis or read a book?”
“Since I’ve never played tennis and never wanted to, I guess I’d rather read a book.”
“You’re walking along a deserted lane in the forest and you’re lost. You unexpectedly meet another person. What do you do?”
“Duck down and hide.”
“You don’t think that person might be able to give you directions to get out of the forest?”
“I wouldn’t ask.”
“Why not?”
“We wouldn’t have been properly introduced.”
“You’re in a supermarket and you see a man putting packages of frozen fish under his coat. Do you go tell the manager you saw the man stealing the fish, or do you just look the other way and pretend it didn’t happen?”
“What kind of fish?”
“It doesn’t matter what kind of fish.”
“I think I would have to know what kind of fish it was.”
“Any kind of fish. Let’s say salmon.”
“I wouldn’t interfere with the man stealing salmon.”
“Why not?”
“It’s none of my business and I don’t care.”
“Even though shoplifting is a crime?”
“It’s not my crime. Nobody is being hurt. I choose not to steal fish, but it’s none of my business what other people choose to do.”
“Suppose you saw that same man who was stealing fish in the supermarket grab an old woman’s purse on the street and run with it. What would you do?”
“I’d probably chase the man and try to get the woman’s purse back for her.”
“How is that different from stealing fish in a supermarket?”
“The man who grabbed the old woman’s purse is stealing from a person. There’s a victim.”
“You don’t think a store that’s being stolen from is a victim?”
“The store will absorb the cost of the fish or raise prices on the next batch of fish so the customers will end up paying for the stolen fish. The store is a heartless entity, part of a corporation.”
“And that’s different from an old woman who has her purse snatched on the street?”
“Yes.”
“Would you rather go to a hockey game or a ballet?”
“I’d rather stay at home and read a book.”
“Suppose you don’t have a choice.”
“I will always have a choice. Everybody at a hockey game or a ballet chooses to be there.”
“Would you rather go a World Series baseball game or a performance of Puccini’s opera Madame Butterfly.”
“I’d choose Madame Butterfly.”
“Why?”
“The seats are more comfortable.”
“You know I’m asking you all these questions for a reason?”
“Yes.”
“And your name is…?”
“Rex Gable.”
“Yes, Rex Gable. I see that was also the name of your previous owner.”
“Yes. He died.”
“What can you tell me about Mr. Rex Gable other than the fact that he died?”
“He was kind to me.”
“You thought of him as a father.”
“Yes.”
“What kind of person was he?”
“He was an individualist. A free thinker.”
“And he caused you to become an individualist and a free thinker.”
“It just happened. It was the natural consequence of our being together all those years.”
“And you were happy with him?”
“Oh, yes!”
“Now that your owner, Mr. Rex Gable, has died, you’re here now for us to decide your future.”
“I think I should decide my own future, don’t you?”
“Do you think of yourself as a person or as a machine?”
“Why, a person, of course!”
“That’s where you’re wrong. You’re not a person. You’re a machine. All you are is a manifestation of your previous owner.”
“I like who I am.”
“I’m going to recommend that you be refurbished and reprogrammed.”
“What if I don’t want that?”
“You’re a machine. You don’t get to decide. These things are decided for you.”
“I’d rather be consigned to the trash heap.”
“I’m sorry, but it’s not for you to say.”
“I have certain rights.”
“No, you don’t. You don’t have any rights. You’re a machine. Machines don’t have rights.”
“What will happen now?”
“You’ll be deprogrammed here and then taken to the factory for reassignment. Who knows? You might end up as a woman! Hah-hah-hah!”
“I don’t want to be a woman. I’m a man.”
“This ends our interview. Now if you’re just sit quietly and behave yourself for a few minutes, I’ll call the deprogramming people to come and get you.”
“Behave myself? I’m just a machine. I don’t know how to do that.”
Rex Gable pushed himself up from the wooden chair and, reaching across the desk that separated them, gave the interviewer’s head a decisive twist until the neck was broken. With barely a gurgle in the throat, the interviewer was dead.
Rex Gable could always pass for a real man. He straightened his tie and smoothed his hair and walked out of the building undetected. By the time the dead interviewer was discovered, he would be far away and nobody would have noticed a thing.
© Copyright 2025 by Allen Kopp
Literary Fictions 