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From the Shallow to the Deep


From the Shallow to the Deep ~ A Short Story by Allen Kopp

(Note: This is a combination of two short stories I posted earlier.)

The first lesson was a lecture in a small room that smelled like wet towels. Wesley-John Garbutt hated it already. He sat in the back of the room observing the fifteen or so other boys who were lucky enough to be learning how to swim. They were all gung-ho types, staunch little men; some were taking notes because they wanted to remember everything Boss said, get everything just right. They were excited; couldn’t wait to get their suits on and get into the water.

The swimming instructor insisted on being called Boss as if he had no other name. He was a short, swarthy man in his early forties with a face like a movie hoodlum. He wore a gray sweatshirt and black swim trunks with a whistle on a string around his neck. His legs were thick and short, disproportionate, covered with black hair. Wesley-John wanted to laugh because he had more hair on his legs than he did on his head.

“Now, none of you are babies,” Boss barked, the gruff drill sergeant whipping the raw recruits into shape. “If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a baby. Or a sissy. Sissies are even worse. So, if there are any sissies or babies among you, you’re welcome to leave now.”

There was a murmur in the room as the boys all attested that they were manly enough for what was coming. Wesley-John sighed loudly and wished he was gone.

“Everybody must have his own suit and his own towel,” Boss said. “If you arrive for your lesson without either of these two items, you will not be allowed to participate. You will fall behind and end up failing the class and we don’t like failures. Now, do we have any failures here?”

No!” the boys shouted.

“Good! Now, your suit may be any color you like. Except pink. I wouldn’t recommend pink.”

The boys laughed appreciatively.

“And it must be presentable.”

“What do you mean by ‘presentable’?” somebody asked.

“Well, you don’t want your balls or your ass hanging out, now, do you?” Boss said.

The boys laughed loud and long. Wesley-John hated Boss for his crudity and hated everybody else for laughing.

“Now, we all know what horseplay is, don’t we?” Boss said. “That’s another thing that will not be tolerated here. You will have fun, of course, but you’ll have to follow instructions and do as you are told at all times or you will be sent home. Whenever you hear me blow my whistle, that means that you are to stop what you are doing, whether in or out of the water, and listen to what I’m about to say. The whistle is the signal for you to stop and listen. Is there anybody here who doesn’t understand this?”


“All right, then! Over the next eight weeks each and every one of you will learn how to swim like a champion. Are we all champions?”


“Is there any one of you who doesn’t firmly believe in his heart that he is a champion?”

Wesley-John ached to raise his hand and dismiss himself, that he was sick or was expected somewhere else at that moment, but he was too embarrassed to speak up. They would all laugh at him and he was sure Boss would say something to make it worse.

“Now, at the end of your eight weeks,” Boss continued, “you will take a final exam.”

A collective groan went up.

“It’s not the kind of exam you take sitting at a desk with a pencil in your hand, though. It’s an exam that will consist of swimming the length of the pool, from the shallow to the deep, and back again. And that’s not all. Each of you will be required to dive at least once off the high dive.”

“How high?” somebody asked.

“Thirty feet.”

“What if we can’t do it?”

“Then you fail the class. You will have wasted your time and mine and made a complete ass of yourself in the bargain. Is there anybody here who thinks he can’t do it?”

No, sir!

“All right, then. Be here on Friday at two o’clock, suited up and ready to swim. And that doesn’t mean two minutes after two, either. It means two on the dot!”

Yes, sir!

After the others had left, Wesley-John Garbutt hung back to have a word with Boss.

“I won’t be here on Friday, sir,” he said. “Or any other day.”

Boss looked at him with distaste. “And why not, may I ask?”

“I’m not really a pool person. I don’t care for this whole scene.”

“Then why did you sign up?”

“I didn’t. My father signed me up without consulting me first.”

“You won’t get your money back.”

“I don’t care about that, sir.”

Boss marked Wesley-John’s name off the class roll and left without another word.

That evening at the dinner table, Wesley-John’s father, Boyd Garbutt, asked, “Wasn’t today your first swim lesson?”

“Yes,” Wesley-John said, looking down at his plate.

“How did it go?”

“I quit.”

“You what?

“I said I quit the swimming class. I won’t be going back.”

“After the first lesson?”

“It wasn’t really a lesson. It was just talking.”

“I’m not going to let you quit.”

“I already have.”

“You can’t do that! Do you know how hard it was to get you in that class? They have a waiting list. I had to pull some strings to get your named moved up on the list.”

“They can let some other poor sap take my place,” Wesley-John said.

“Other boys your age would kill for the chance to learn how to swim!”

“I’m not like them, sir.”

“Sometimes I look at you and I wonder what’s wrong with you.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me, sir. I just don’t want to learn how to swim.”

“You’re a quitter. Just like your mother.”

“She would never have signed me up to do something she knew I would hate.”

“How do you know you hate it? You’ve never done it!”

“The pool scares me. I see myself dead in it.”

“Nobody is going to let you die!”

“No, sir, they won’t, because I’m not going to do it.”

“When I was fifteen years old,” Boyd Garbutt said, getting red in the face, “do you know what my father would have done to me if I defied him the way you’re defying me now?”

“No, sir.”

“He would have knocked my head off my shoulders!”

“Rather extreme, don’t you think?”

“You’re the weirdest kid I’ve ever seen!”

“You haven’t seen many.”

“When is the next class?”

“Friday, but I won’t be there.”

“You’re going to go if I have to take you myself and stay there the whole time. Do you want the other kids to see what a big baby you are? That you have to have your father there to make sure you do what you’re supposed to do?”

“It couldn’t be any worse than it already is.”

“I think you should leave the table now!” Boyd Garbutt said. “I don’t want to have to look at your face any more today.”

Wesley-John stood up and carried his dishes to the sink. As he was scraping the plate under the faucet, he said, “Do you know that new thirty-story office building on the south side of the park?”

“I drive by it every now and then,” Boyd Garbutt said. “Why?”

“They have an observation deck on the top floor. Open to the public.”


“Anybody can go up there, even a kid. Even me.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m not saying anything. Just that it’s a long way down, that’s all.”

After stacking the dishes, Wesley-John went upstairs to his room and locked himself in. He kicked off his shoes and lay on his back on the bed, tired out from the awful day. He would take a nap until about dark and then get up and sit at his desk and read to try to keep from remembering all that had happened.


On a hazy day in mid-August, Wesley-John was downtown buying a pair of shoes. That’s the way it was these days. When he needed something, his father gave him the money and he went by himself to get it.

He found a pair he liked and when he tried them on they didn’t pinch so he bought them and was just leaving the store when he saw a woman walking along the sidewalk a half-block away with her back to him. She had auburn hair and was wearing a business suit, the kind you might see Barbara Stanwyck wearing in one of her black-and-white movies. He was going to yell to her to get her to turn around, but he wasn’t sure it was who he thought it was and he would feel stupid if he was wrong. Instead he walked very fast after her, dodging people left and right, and in a minute came around to her left side.

“Mother?” he said.

“Wes?” she said. She turned to look at him. She was wearing dark glasses so he couldn’t see her eyes. She smiled but didn’t seem glad or surprised.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, genuinely surprised to see her.

“I was going to call you and your father in a day or two.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

“I thought it best not to.”


“It was a spur-of-the-moment trip. I didn’t even know we were coming until the day before. I was going to call you while I was here and see if I might see you.”

He shifted his package awkwardly from one arm to the other.

“What have you got there?” she asked.


“Doesn’t your father go with you to buy shoes?”

“He doesn’t need to. I can do it on my own.”

“Oh, that’s right. You’re almost grown now. I can see.”

“Are you on your way to an appointment?” he asked.

“I just came from one. I went to see the doctor.”

“Are you sick?”

“Just a checkup.”

“Don’t they have doctors out there where you live?”

“Of course they do. I just thought I’d see the one I used to go to when I lived here.”

“There’s something you’re not telling me, isn’t there?”

“All these exhaust fumes are giving me a headache,” she said. “Have you had lunch yet?”


“There’s a little restaurant down in the next block. Let’s go have some lunch.”

They sat at a booth beside a window. She lit a cigarette and smiled. “How have you and your father been getting along?” she asked.

“All right, I guess.”

“Don’t you know for sure?”

“He’s been in a bad mood with me most of the summer.”


“He signed me up for swimming lessons and I refused to go.”

“You refused to go?”


“Didn’t you want to learn to swim?”


“Why not?”

“I just didn’t. I hate the thought of all those naked strangers.”

She laughed. “It would probably be good for you,” she said. “Help you to emerge from your shell like a little baby bird.”

“Would you want to take swimming lessons?” he asked.

“No, it’s a thing I would never choose to do. I want to drink water and wash in it, but I don’t like the idea of being fully immersed in it.”

“That’s my point exactly. Don’t you think I ought to be able to say whether or not I take swimming lessons?”

“Well, fifteen-year-olds usually do what their parents tell them to do.”

“Not always. Not when it comes to swimming lessons.”

“He probably thought it would be a good way for you to get out of the house and not spend so much time on your own.”

“I like being alone. I love it when he’s gone and I have the house all to myself.”

“So he’s been yelling at you a lot?”

“Not really. More the silent treatment. I very subtly threatened suicide when he said I had to take the swimming lessons whether I wanted to or not.”

She looked at him and frowned and blew out a big stream of smoke over his head. “You wouldn’t really do that, would you?”

“The important thing is to make him think I might.”

“You really shouldn’t threaten suicide, you know. It makes people think you’re crazy. There’s insanity on your father’s side, you know.”

“As long as it worked, that’s what matters.”

The waiter brought their food. She picked at a spinach salad while he devoured a fillet of sole.

“I’m just curious,” she said. “How did you make him think you would do it?”

“Do what?”

“Kill yourself.”

He laughed and wiped his mouth. “I asked him if he knew about the new thirty-story office building that just opened. He said he drives by it sometimes. I told him that anybody can go up to the observation deck on the top floor, even a stupid ninth-grader like me. I didn’t say I would or that I ever had. Just that I could if I ever felt like it.”

“I see,” she said. “You didn’t actually say anything about jumping off. You just implied that it was something that might have crossed your mind from time to time.”

“That’s right.”

“Very clever.”

“I thought so.”

“So you think dying in a horrible way is preferable to swimming lessons?”

“Don’t you?”

“No, I don’t think it’s what I would choose.” She pushed her salad away and ordered a cocktail.

“I always could talk to you,” he said. “I can’t talk to him.”

“He’s your father. I know it’s not easy, but the two of you need to try to get along.”

“Yeah, he’s all I have now, since you ran out on me.”

“Your father and I both agreed that it was better for you…”

“How’s Ben, anyway?”


“Your new husband.”

“His name is Richard.”

“Oh, yeah. How is he?”

“He’s all right.”

“How are his two daughters? Still alive, I suppose?”

“Yes, they’re still alive.”

“If either one of them dies, you be sure and let me know since it’s because of them I can’t come and live with you.”

“Do you wish them dead?”

“Not until this minute.”

“Don’t have bad thoughts about them. If you ever got a chance to know them, I think you’d like them.”

“I doubt it. I think I should probably go on hating them on principle, don’t you?”

“You’ll do whatever you want no matter what I say.”

“About your trip to the doctor,” he said. “I’ll bet you’re going to have a baby, aren’t you?”

She laughed and reached for her cigarettes. “Whatever gave you that idea?”

“Well, that’s what happens with newlyweds, isn’t it?”

“Maybe when they’re young. I’m over forty and Richard is almost fifty.”

“Well, I won’t be surprised to hear that I have a new little half-brother.”

“Never on this earth,” she said.

“If it’s not that, then why did you see the doctor?”

“I told you. It was a checkup.”

“You must have had a reason to want a checkup.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Are you sure?”

She turned her head away and looked out at the street. “Nothing for you to worry about, I said.”

“You think I need to be protected like a little kid? I’m not supposed to know the truth when something’s wrong?”

“It’s just that I don’t want you to worry.”

“What is it, mother?”

“I’ve been having headaches and dizzy spells. Sometimes I just black out for no reason. We were afraid it might happen when I was driving the car or something, so we thought I should have the doctor…”

“Who is ‘we’?”

“Richard and I. We thought I should consult a doctor about it.”

“What did the doctor say?”

“He took some blood, wants to do some tests. You know how doctors are. It’s nothing, I’m sure.”

“Will you let me know what you find out?”

“Of course I will.”

“I want to come and live with you so I can take care of you,” he said.

She smiled and patted his hand like a benevolent mother superior. “We’ve been all through that,” she said. “Maybe you think it sounds cruel when I say we don’t have room for you, but it’s the truth. We only have two bedrooms. Richard’s two daughters share the same room and they’re constantly fighting. You wouldn’t believe how jealous they are of each other and how competitive. I’m sure they would gladly kill each other if they thought they could get away with it.”

“Sounds awful.”

“Yes, it is pretty awful sometimes.”

“Then why don’t you come home and forget Richard and his two horrible daughters?”

“It doesn’t work that way, dear. Your father and I are divorced. I can’t just drop my second husband and go running back to my first one whenever the whim takes me.”

“I’m sure it happens all the time.”

“Not to me.”

“Oh, all right,” he said, willing to drop the subject because he knew it was an argument he would never win.

“In a year or two we’ll talk about having you come to live with us.”

“Why don’t you wait until I’m thirty-five?”

“Sarcasm is unbecoming in a child your age,” she said.

“Is Richard planning on getting rid of one of the daughters?”

“No, but we might get a bigger house.”


“Well, we’ll see. Nothing definite yet.”

“So, in the meantime, for the next year or two, I have to stay here and live with him?”

“Life is hard for all of us sometimes.”

The waiter came and he ordered a piece of lemon meringue pie for dessert and his mother another cocktail. “Aren’t you looking forward to starting the tenth grade?” she asked cheerfully.

“No!” he said. “I hate school.”

She gave him a disbelieving look. “Since when?”

“Since always.”

“You didn’t hate school when you were little. Your third-grade teacher said you were a joy to have in her classroom. You made good grades and you always had a smile on your face.”

“And after that, everything turned to shit,” he said.

“What turned to shit?”


“Would you like to see a counselor? I think we could arrange it.”

“No, thanks! I’m not crazy!”

“Nobody said you’re crazy.”

“I’ve been thinking about how you used to take me to school on the first day and meet the teacher and she would show me where I was going to sit while you stood there and watched. Some of the kids cried but I never did. I remember one little boy asking his mother through his tears if he had to stay there all day, like it was a punishment or something.”

“You were always so well-behaved. I never had any trouble with you.”

“It’s a good thing you didn’t have any others.”

“Well, now I have two stepdaughters.”

“Ugh!” he said. “I’d put rat poison in their food.”

“I somehow don’t think you’d get away with it.”

“I didn’t mean I’d poison them. I meant you could poison them.”

“Thanks for the advice.”

After they left the restaurant, they stood on the sidewalk in the bright sunlight. She blinked and looked up and down the street as though trying to remember where she had left her car.

“Do you need anything?” she asked. “Do you have plenty of clothes for school?”

“No, I don’t need anything,” he said. “I have plenty of clothes.”

“Do you need a warm winter coat?”

“Mother, it’s summer! Nobody even thinks about a winter coat in August.”

“Winter will be here before you know it.”

“No, I don’t need a winter coat.”

“How about a nice new suit?”

“I have two suits and I hardly ever wear them. If I need a suit, he’ll give me the money and I’ll go buy it on my own the way I did with the shoes.”

“I used to always take you shopping when you needed anything,” she said.

“And then you left.”

“I’d like to buy you something while I’m here. There must be something you want that you don’t have.”

“I want a cell phone but the boss says I can’t have one.”

“Costs too much?”

“No, I don’t think it’s that. He thinks I’ll spend too much time talking on it and not do my homework.”

“Would you do that?”

“Of course I wouldn’t.”

“Who would you talk to if you had a cell phone?”

“I don’t know. Somebody else who has a cell phone, I guess.”

“Would you call me on it sometimes?” she asked.


“All right, then. We’ll buy you a cell phone.”

A half-hour later he emerged from the store with his very own cell phone in a plastic bag. He knew that some people at school would be impressed, but he didn’t care so much about that. If they didn’t like him anyway, a phone wouldn’t make that much difference.

“Call me on it in a few days when you figure out how it works,” his mother said.

“I will.”

She kissed him on the cheek, smelling like cigarettes and Evening in Paris perfume, and then she let go of his arm and quickly walked away.

That evening at the dinner table his father said, “Did you get a good pair of shoes?”

“Yes,” Wesley-John said.

“Did you have any money left?”

“No, shoes are expensive.”

He ignored the sour look his father gave him and said, “I met somebody downtown today that you used to know.”


“My mother, your former wife.”

“What is she doing here?”

“She and her new husband just came for a little trip. A few days, that’s all.”

“Where did you see her?”

“I met her on the street after I finished getting my shoes. She was all dressed up and she said she had been to the doctor.”

“Is she sick?”

“A checkup, she said.”

“Did she mention me?”

“No. Why would she?”

“No reason.”

“She wanted to know if there was anything she could buy me and I told her I wanted a cell phone.”

“She bought you a cell phone?”


“I already told you you couldn’t have one. Cell phones are too much of a distraction.”

“Mother didn’t think so.”

“She thinks she can get your sympathy by buying you something I already said you couldn’t have.”

“It wasn’t like that. She wanted to buy me some clothes and I said I didn’t need any.”

“You can’t have a cell phone. You’ll have to take it back and get her money refunded.”

“I don’t want to take it back!”

“This is not going to be like the swimming lessons! If you won’t take the phone back, I’ll take it back myself!”

“Never mind! I’ll just throw the stupid thing in the trash! I don’t want it anyway if it’s going to cause so much trouble!”

As much as he hated displays of temperament, he left the table and went to his room and slammed the door and locked it, not intending to emerge until the next morning.

Alone in his room, he began worrying about his mother and about what might really be wrong with her. He remembered a story he saw on TV about a woman with a brain tumor who had dizzy spells and blackouts. He was almost sure that his mother had the same thing. If she did, she’d be dead soon and he would probably never see her again because she lived so far away now that she was remarried.

As he went to sleep that night, he imagined the two of them, himself and his mother, joining hands and jumping off the thirty-story office building together, but not dying in a horrible way. They’d never touch the ground but instead would float off together to a convivial place something like heaven where cranky fathers, second husbands, and stepdaughters are not allowed.

Copyright © 2016 by Allen Kopp


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